To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
