I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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