Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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