god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize