Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
