so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
