I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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