Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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