Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
