I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
