everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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