and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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