I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
