we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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