tell your sister to shave her snatch
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it glows. i had to have it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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