I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
