Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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