Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We talked him into tasing himself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
