Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
