the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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