i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
