I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
