thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
