yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
