How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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