CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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