Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can text with my tongue
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
