Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
