Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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