If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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