she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
