Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
