Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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