I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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