Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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