ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
