Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
