i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
