I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize