I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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