so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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