Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize