i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
