sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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