Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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