Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
