i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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