Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
