some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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