it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize