I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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