I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
