party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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