Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
