I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
