what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
