and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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