i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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