I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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