I heard we made out
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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