She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
